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Sh@t happens… And sometimes you step in it

August 27, 2012

Me & the Beeze

S@#t happens and I stepped in it—with my bare foot! I’m in the middle of housetraining Beezus, our standard poodle puppy, and while I am happy to report that the poop I stepped in was located in our backyard, admittedly, it could have just as easily been in my living room, bedroom or entryway.

Now, I know what you’re saying: “See! I told you. This is why you should be wearing shoes, you nut.”

Perhaps. But tell me, my shod friend, have you ever stepped in poop before? Yes, you have. And when you did, it probably went something like this:

1. Step in poop.

2. Continue walking around tracking the poop wherever you go.

3. After a few minutes, your nose gets a whiff of what’s on the bottom of your shoe.

4. Announce that you smell dog poop and suggest to the people around you that they check their shoes. (Certainly you didn’t step in the poop.)

5. After all those around you report that their shoes are clean, your worst fear becomes reality. You—yes you—are the culprit. You stepped in the poop.

6. Scrape your shoe all over the pavement, desperately trying to get the poop off the bottom of your shoe.

7. Go home and rinse the bottom of your shoe off with the hose in your backyard.

And this is what happened when I stepped in the poop with my bare foot:

1. Step in poop.

2. Less than a millisecond later, brain registers warm, squishy sensation as fresh poop.

3. Say words inappropriate for this blog.

4. Hop over to the hose and wash off my foot.

I’d like to point out that unlike you shoe-wearing folks, I immediately knew what I stepped in as soon as I stepped in it, and therefore, I did not track the poop into my house or anywhere else. So I say, who’s the nut, now?

 

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From → Beezus

10 Comments
  1. Jake permalink

    You forgot the step where you use soap. Sounds like you’re still the nut.

  2. Ha. I didn’t have soap in my backyard. But I did use soap once I came into the house.

  3. At least you knew what made the poop. I still have no idea what animal made what I stepped in last week.

  4. I USED SOAP AFTER I CAME IN THE HOUSE. Sheesh. I was just trying to keep my list short.

  5. Christopher permalink

    I’ve stepped in poop both in bare feet and in shoes. Always ten times worse when wearing shoes. It takes forever to get all of the poop out of the shoe. Sweet looking poodle and nice shirt.

    • Thanks Christopher. Are you a Pixies fan, too?

      • Christopher permalink

        Yes I am. I regret not seeing them when they reunited in 2004. Maybe they’ll tour again.

  6. Love this post! hahha.. made me smile!

  7. Richard permalink

    Love this post…but let me give you another example of when bare feet are MUCH better than shoes when stepping in something. Gum! You get gum on your shoes…forget it, it’s everywhere. With a barefoot…you can literally roll it off your foot and toss it away. OH…and I’m a Pixies fan!

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