My feet could use some waffle-stomping traction

Before and after with Verity Violent. (I have no idea who that guy in the corner is, but he’s had that badass warrior tattoo long before the invention of obstacle course races.)

Rope burns on my hands, scratches all over my arms and legs, and I’ll be blowing gritty brown boogers for the next three days. Yes, I just completed my second Warrior Dash. I scaled walls, jumped over fire and sniper crawled under barbed wire through splishy-sploshy mud.

Last year was the first time this race was in Mississippi, and knowing what fatties we all are here, I am pretty sure the folks planning the event were just taking it easy on us. I came home after that race so energized that I went out and ran another four miles. This year, I was toast.

The most challenging obstacle for me was scaling the “Vicious Valley.” The task: pulling myself over four towering plywood A-frames. I managed getting over the first one, but the second one was covered in mud, and for the first time during the race, I wish I had on shoes. My bare feet were giving me no traction. I kept getting close to the top and then I’d lose my footing and fall. Over and over I tried, and every time my feet would slip on the mud. After a line of people waiting for a chance to try started forming behind me, I decided to just move on to the next obstacle. Toward the end of the race there was yet another plywood wall to scale. I wasn’t going to give in so easily this time, and I managed to find enough mud-free patches to keep my footing and get up and over. Yay!

If I could do it over again, I would tie a pair of Vibram FiveFingers around my waist and slip them on before tackling the A-frames. I think they would have given me just enough leverage against the mud to keep me from falling. I also would not have had that Miller Lite after the race, on an empty stomach and just before getting on a bumpy school bus headed for the Warrior Dash parking lot. No, seriously. What was I thinking?